A mask. As an object, it is a piece of artwork for the face. Coming in various forms, expressions, colours and sometimes, weird shapes. Figuratively speaking, a mask is something that one hides behind. A veneer, disguise or pretense. It is something to conceal, camouflage or act as a facade for one’s true self. We seem to wear masks in different settings and situations. Most of the time, we do so by covering up our true character and personalities to adapt to, control or handle something appropriately. Other times, it is just to protect ourselves and create veil where we can hide behind and observe the whole scenario to gain a better understanding. Whatever it is we use this “mask” for, in my opinion, usually its to benefit ourselves and subtly be in good control.

How did I manage to form this view about masks? Mainly it’s through my observation of people who represent different roles in my life. To narrow it down, its those who I am close with and have a close relationship with like friends and family and the other side of it, my acquaintances, colleagues, people whom I just met and others who I am not very close to.

The first group (those who are close), rarely have their masks on. These are the people who know who they are, who I am to them and put a genuine front most, if not all the time when I see them. At least more so than the other group (those who aren’t close). It’s easy to tell because they are usually frank, truthful and straight up about most things. The language they use, their body language and expressions, emotions and who feeling when being with them shows the real and genuine side of them. You know this because when you are with them, you observe and feel so. This makes it easier to detect whether they suddenly put on their masks or not. When they do, you just feel and know it. In many cases, they are trying to hide something negative that happened. Usually when you feel that they did put their masks on, you react by asking them directly: “what’s wrong?” or wait patiently for them to tell you what’s wrong (or might not, hence the need to probe). Usually they will strip the mask off and tell you after your probe or wait. I bring this act down to the level of trust that you have with the other party. If they are close and they trust you, likewise, I believe it’s highly likely that they will eventually tell. Being around the people close to you thus makes you feel safe, able to rely on them and have a higher level of trust.

Now, that makes the masks seem non-problematic or even good fun sometimes. That is, if you like to probe your friends/families for the truth and nothing but the truth when you know that they put on their masks. However, masks can become quite a hindrance, worry and might bring bigger problems than ones already at hand. This is the usual case when you are dealing with the other group of people who put their masks on. The not-so-close people. I’ve notice that you must be on your guard when dealing with these people, even putting on a mask of your own. Subconsciously, I think we always do. It might just be because you want to create a good first impression or find out more about the other person without giving too much away about yourself. More often than not, we put on our masks when we are unfamiliar with things or sense that there’s a threat of some kind. Unfamiliarity is neutral but a threat is dangerous and hence, with a mask on, we feel protected in a way. I get this feeling a lot in the work place. To me, it isn’t sexy at all because it makes it difficult to figure out what the real person is like behind the mask. A possibility is that the person never does want you to find out. These are the people I try to avoid anyway. The insecurities that cloak them are so apparent that it really sucks just being around them.

One reason for “masking”, especially in a workplace is to get one out of a situation fast. It can be words said or acts of pretense, lies and covering up. Basically, hiding the truth. I term this “spontaneous masking”. It is usually a temporary mask that the other party in the situation at hand will eventually see through. The truth always emerges and the mask will be stripped off eventually. For example, it can be as trivial as coming late for work and shifting the blame to the bus, alarm, toilet, pet.. whatever. Or it can be hiding a mistake that you make while doing a project and shifting blame to someone else, say a third party supplier. Sounds familiar right? I am sure you’ve seen people done so and build up a bad reputation for doing so. I find such masks irritating and unneeded most of the time. People should just tell the truth, admit their faults and move on. It’s definitely much better than making yourself look bad eventually.

However, I understand that because of work, sometimes the masks have to come on to deal with things properly and diplomatically, this can be the good side of it. It can be doing something out of your usual character, but fits the situation and can put you in a positive light. For example, if someone offends you, your immediate reaction might be to retaliate verbally and defend yourself. This is normal but often it gets out of hand and from a reaction, it turns into a big argument that can sour relationships. A much wiser thing to do is switch your mind from retaliation mode to “I can solve this diplomatically” mode. This allows you to think better, say the right things and give you a higher chance to diffuse and solve the problem/matter. Of course, it does require you to put on a mask, especially if you are a hot tempered person whereby you see anger and react back with more anger =X. There is a huge difference about doing this and the above situation. It comes down to your character and mindset, especially your social and emotional intelligence. One should understand the reasons and motives behind using a mask and use it wisely and effectively while building up your good reputation and not let masking tear it down.

I’ve explained a few sides of masking. There are many other sides of masking that you have seen that can be bad or good. What worked and what didn’t. When you see how people behave in different situations, do consider the possibility that they are just masking (it could be lying or just protecting themselves). Be aware and careful of it. Trust your gut feeling too. You will be able to see through and tell. You will get to know the person better by identifying when he/she masks or not and the motives behind them. Then, that gives you a good backing to decide to trust that person in the future, especially with serious issues. Also, know that sometimes even the close people mask themselves, usually to hide something but most probably they will tell you if you lead them to it and have gained their trust before.

Think about it, masks on, masks off. When does it work for you, when does it not. It might harm you, it might benefit you.

With love,
Kelvin